Mistakes Adult Children Make When Helping Aging Parents Choose a Senior Community
- 2016-09-27
- By Debbie Ford
- Posted in Aging Parents, Downsizing, Senior Living Communities, Senior News
Whether you are helping a parent who is still independent or looking for new housing options due to a “crisis” situation, it sometimes feels as if the role of parent and child have been reversed. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the process of finding a senior community and lose sight of your true goal – a home that will be safe and happy for your loved one.
In order to achieve that goal, it’s important to look at some of the mistakes that others have made and try to avoid those for you and your parent. Here are a few things to think about:
Look at your parent’s budget first.
Make sure the places you choose to visit fall within your parent’s (or your) budget requirements before you visit. There’s nothing worse than falling in love with a community only to learn it is way above what you can afford. It can make an already difficult process worse.
Remember that this will be your parent’s home, not yours.
You may love the brand new, modern community with the on-site spa and wine bar but that may not be your parent’s taste. He or she might rather be in a more traditionally decorated place with gardens and daily bridge tournaments. It’s important to talk to your parents and find out what is most important to them in a community. Take them along when you visit communities and keep them involved in the decision-making process.
Keep both current and future health and mobility needs in mind.
Your parent may be perfectly healthy and active right now. Concerns such as medication management and assistance with daily activities may not be top of mind. You do need to consider, though, that they may need these types of services in the future. As you visit communities, you need to consider both current and future needs. Find out what will happen if health needs change. Does the community have a higher level of care or will your loved one have to go elsewhere when those needs arise? If they need to move, where will they go? It’s not an easy thing to predict, but it is something to talk to your parent about so that you are both on the same page, especially if something should change suddenly.
Don’t decide too quickly.
Don’t sign a lease at the first place you visit. Even if you and your parent are both in love with the place, it’s wise to take some time and look around at your options. Take tours, ask questions, enjoy a meal, and visit with other residents. Go online and read reviews. It’s so important that your loved one is comfortable in every way – physically and socially. You should plan to visit at least 3 places before making a decision. Weigh the pros and cons and decide together which one feels most like “home.” (Note that it is a good idea to go ahead and get on the waiting list if there are no current vacancies. You can always pass if you’ve found something else you love when an apartment comes available but some communities can have long waiting lists)
Don’t choose a place strictly on convenience.
It’s very tempting to choose the community that is closest to your home or office. While it’s great to have mom or dad close by, it shouldn’t be the primary consideration. You should plan for family to visit but it’s also important for your parent to have time to make friends and get involved in the activities offered by the community. Your visits should be spaced to allow for and encourage this socialization. It’s vital for helping new residents feel like part of the community.
The most important thing to do, even in a crisis situation, is to spend some time formulating a plan. Involve your parent and discuss all the options. It will help ease some of the stress and you’ll feel better about the move knowing that you didn’t make a rash decision.
If you need help finding a senior community, our online directory of Dallas/Fort Worth Senior Living Communities can help. You can also give us a call at 817-330-9235. We have great relationships with several communities in the area and we would love to introduce you to them!
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Thank you so much for your able assistance over the past couple of months. We would not have been able to move so quickly without your help. As it has turned out, we got just the apartment we wanted at just the right time. You subcontractors were all able to do what we needed done and pleasant to work with. We would be glad to recommend them to anyone who asks. I have to mention the movers in particular. They moved our stuff in a monsoon, and took such good care of it that we had no damage; nothing even got wet. Except them. I was very anxious about the whole process and am glad to have it finished. However, I would have been a basket case without you. It wasn't just that you knew what you were doing, it was that I could ask you anything and you could answer calmly and knowledgeably. That was so reassuring, affirming that the process was moving forward according to plan and that all would be well.
I appreciate all y'all did for us in managing the sale of my parents' home. Blessings to both of you and your team. I am grateful!
From our first meeting with Ingrid I was impressed with her positive attitude about everything. It was all so overwhelming from the "get go" and I needed the strength she provided. I was amazed at all the contacts that were available just for the asking. I thought I would have to find all of these contacts on my own. This in itself gave me tremendous peace of mind. Your service is a "10" with all your contacts a phone call away. Each person who contacted us was very professional...Can't say enough about people who got the job done!
Ingrid, I wanted to thank you and John for helping my mom smoothly transition to Arlington Plaza. Mom is happier than I have ever seen her and is just blossoming in her new digs. Blessings to you and John for the services you provide to our seniors. Fantastic job!
How AWESOME you two are! I will never be able to thank you enough for the marvelous way you took care of me during my move. You went above and beyond anything I ever expected. You accommodated me in every way…Really, you outdid yourself and I will forever by grateful. Without question I will recommend you to all my friends. Thank you again for everything. I’ll never forget you.
We attended a downsizing event [and] we were impressed with the Sullivan Team immediately… We think you did everything right with all of the roadblocks put in the way regarding [our property]. You were available anytime we reached out and you kept us informed at about each and every step. You are professional and direct and shoot from the hip – but with compassion when needed. Thank you again! Hope the best for you for the years ahead.
I can’t say too many good things about Ingrid! She helped me sell a home, remotely, as I moved a dear relative to an assisted living facility in my state. She helped find movers, cleaners, and any other provider I needed. She and her husband also spent time staging our home and dealing with all types of picky details that were beyond me from a thousand miles away. She also convinced my buyer to switch banks to make the transaction smoother (before the underwriting started), and found a second title company at the last minute to accommodate a non-traditional sale that seemed to confuse the initial company we worked with. We got ten showings in the 1st two days, resulting in six offers by the 3rd day! Ingrid is the best! I have bought and sold many properties in my lifetime and she has been the strongest agent I have ever engaged!
Ingrid & John – You two have been such a blessing to myself and others who have had to make a big change in their lives.
Ingrid Sullivan’s experience and guidance was so valuable in guiding my father through all the steps of pre-sale house preparation and the selling process. She helped things go so much smoother by anticipating the possible issues during the sale and even when unexpected surprises occurred. The financial outcome was great!
I feel as if I have not had the opportunity to thank you for all the work you did for me and my family. I depended on you and your expertise to make this deal happen and you did not let me down. You fought every battle that arose, and there were many, and you made things happen. Thank you; you are a true professional and I am so glad you were on my side…I am so glad I got to meet you and work with you and I will be forever grateful for that relationship. I know you will help many families who are lucky enough to learn about you.
Update August 2016: I hope you are doing well. I have thought a lot about you lately for a couple of reasons. It has been one year since I left Arlington for Chicago…doesn’t seem possible. After a very difficult transition, I finally realized that I made the right decision and know I belong here…I enjoyed working with you. You were very helpful when I was going through the worst time of my life. Being in Chicago [with my daughter’s family] has changed my life for the better.
John was very determined to find me a buyer. He also got me a better deal than I thought we could get. Thanks!! Very pleased.
You are approachable and easy to communicate with. The process [of selling my mother’s home] was simple and easy.
You are dependable and keep your promises – and you stay in contact! You always gave us confidence in your decisions – we never doubted your integrity. You were determined to see that we are satisfied with all aspects of our purchase – and we are!
John and Ingrid were wonderful. Working with other specialized teams, they arranged to up-date my home, sell my treasures that I could not take with me and listed the property quickly. They personally supervised the progress of every aspect of my move. As a result I had an offer on my home of 39 years the first day listed. I would recommend their team highly.
Ingrid and her husband, John, were wonderful to work with. The guidance they gave me in selling my home was excellent. I had my house on the market for just two days – 36 showings and 7 offers within two days. I highly recommend Ingrid. You won’t be sorry.
We highly recommend Ingrid and John Sullivan of Keller Williams. They lead a superb team of contractors, stagers and photographers that got our home sold at our price in four days (after 15+ showings). Bottom line: Go ahead and downsize and/or start packing…THEN call the Sullivans. Expect things to happen quickly.
Ingrid, thank you for being all that you were as our Realtor. We appreciate all the time and devotion you gave us. Your expertise made everything work well and knowing you were always there for us helped make our transition easier.
Making this change in my life was daunting and difficult, but John and Ingrid tried very hard to make it as easy as possible. They kept me informed and up to date on everything! I felt great relief when they came on board and I feel I’ve made new friends.
You are very thorough and you know other good, reliable & honest people to help you. Good follow-up on everything. Thank you so much.
I send you both a prayer of thanks every time the thought crosses my mind (often) of how not having my mother’s house hanging over my head has lightened my load and thus, my life. Be assured–you are the ones I will recommend to anyone i know who is buying or selling a home. Thank you!
Ingrid provided exemplary customer service from the first meeting. She came fully prepared with all the comparable properties and information for me on the process of selling. She immediately instilled confidence and trust. On the third day she brought me 5 offers, one way above asking price because the buyer really wanted the house. She guided me through each step and has a superb network of people to assist on any task or repair. She went above and beyond many times, especially advising my son who was selling a house in another state and needed her thoughts on how to improve its visibility. She is the best at her job and you will love working with her. There is not a high enough level to describe her professionalism and dedication.
Mom and I want to thank you for selling our house. We know that it wasn’t an easy task – we had problems we didn’t even know about. But thanks to your expertise we got it done. You have a great team of people that also helped us out. Please send our thanks.